In the movie “Once Upon a Time in Mexico” Johnny Depp kills a cook, because his puerco pibil is perfect. The band Godspeed You! Black Emperor (GY!BE) is not perfect, but I only say that because I can’t comprehend a band playing perfect music. And would argue any song without flaws is imperfect in its very precision. All this to say, I must slay this band with my pen, which is a sloppy double metaphor because I am not writing this with a pen.

Let me point out, and this is both related and relevant, Bernie Sanders lost his bid for president because he used too many numbers. America hates math. We all agreed that everyone else running was and is in Wall Street’s pocket. A free college education did sound good. Health care—Yes please. But f- all that math. You will not be our president.

Not that GY!BE is math rock. Or maybe. I don’t know. My math professor in college never brushed his hair, so it stuck straight out from his head, but only on one side. I pestered him non-stop about the whys of math rules until one day he blurted out that it is all just made up and the people who made it up agreed to these rules. I didn’t understand. I said if you have 10 sheep and one wanders off you are left with nine sheep. That, he said, is accounting not math.

Yes, this is still a music review, and anyone who listens to GY!BE probably knows exactly what I am getting on about. On the other hand, if you feel confused or impatient or have begun to wonder why the crap you are still reading and am I ever going to get the point, well, GY!BE probably isn’t for you. Go back to your tik tok or find a funny meme or whatever feeds your short-attention span instant gratification addiction. Sleep well knowing that Agent Sands will never come looking for you.

Note: I formally withdraw my claim that I will slay this band with my pen.

As always—you don’t know dick.

Sincerely

Dick Caution